Happy birthday. .

I have a need to say it to myself. . Or else i'll only realise it when its over. I frankly don know any why in my life. . It sounds cool to me. . But not to any single person apart from me. :(
but this year. . I do wanna do everythin that only belongs to my 'i want' list. . Gawd, is it that how n mba is supposed to sound?? Hmm. . Anyways. . Thats actually a very current n desperate desire. Its been reall long i actually behaved like real me. The real me has never needed anythin more than mum dad n dee. . This sounds uncool. But this is the truth. Yeah. . . . . :(
i wont stop believin in love. . But . . Didi was right. No weakness now. . Please god. Only growth ahead. . Only new stuff everyday. Hmph. . Its ok to wish on my b'day. Isnt it? Hmm
my tears. . Which are pure for sure. . I've got to stop sheddin n wasting them. They shud b precious to myself. . Before anyone else. Hmm. . So today. I'll only do what i want to. . Thoughtfully chosen n decide. This is unme. . But ok. For those whom i love. . Muah. . Hugs. . And deep assuring breaths. :'( i want love :(
gunite

1/3rd cigarette high

. . M tryin to sleep :(
i've tried much harder than this. . Its jus a new level of hopelessness n numbness. . Again
Aaahh. . Feels like. . Somethin inside is burnt. . Partially though. . It cudnt smell better. .
'm gonna make. . It mine. . La la laa laa. . luh la laa. .'
:'( : i wish i cud. . Make u mine bla bla bla bl bluh bla bla. .
How come i think i deserve somethin i dont. . Only considering that at times. . Bla. . I shud b given what a want. . Jus sometimes :( :'(
head achin now. . Uh, what 'll put me to sleep. ??? No . . I don think i wanna know that. Phh. . My result is gonna b out in the morning. Yeahiee :'( m gonna achieve newer depths of shit. Wow. Phh. .
'i don wanna wake. . Before. . I've made u mine. . Oh ohhh'
what rubish!!:-@