Auro said...
all the best for ur CAT.. and thanks for leaving a comment..i was wondering.. are u really convinced with your decision of MBA? hmm... why not do something bout ur felicitousness?? never thought bout it?.. or done with the thougt..anyways.. luck n cheers!!
July 10, 2008 12:43 PM

its kinda......... whatever.... to start blogging again with the same topic... and ... seems like... m i desperate or m i desperate... (aint that too heavy a word).. anyways... its rather incidental.. or may b more than that... cause... the fact is i had been comin here once in a while... but.. may b .. was too confused or.. may b clumsy.. to write...

today i cudnt stop myself.. cause i jus hapnd to go thru the above .. which's a comment i posted on the guy's blog who had commented one of my blogs. the incident is.. what i wrote approx. a month back for him.. is happening to me now...

the question again is.... m i prepared for CAT... m i prepared for MBA?.... m i prepared to take life the way they want... or m i jus pretending.. all over again..

m i goin against my gut again... or may there's nothing left anymore :'(

what a f**cked up life.... questions n question... no answer.. no one to answer... no direction no goal.... dark... n blank.. and a lot of depressing thoughts surrounding that emptiness as well.. do i care for it enuf.. or do i fight for it now...

or why do i care so much to even think bout it... who's judging it... some part of me that is yet to exist.. in future.. or is it .......... those family conventions..

... gtg.. wish i had some more time... and a bit of smoke.. n of course a stupid n nuetral listner besides...

chao!!

so.. a comment to my last post reminds me to... continue.. :)

so.. we start longing for somethin..... lets say.. the second
indulgence.. the desire. but all this while.. do we ever realise that
this urge is taking us off from all the good things about the rain....
away from the beauty and romance of the drops n soil. ... indulging
into something intense and momentary... yet frustrating cause of
the shortness... so complex........... uh... i find myself so ..
forget it!

the floor is really strange here..I mean.. May b its jus not bout the floor floor. Suddenly the ambience... I mean... may b the smell or... jus a hidden feel. Its like... an obvious feel if u din really consciously think bout it. may b its this thunder like sound that my ears observe off n on..that keeps giving a feelin to my mind which is that of a rainy atmosphere.Fuck, why m i psycho-analysin it.. bla bla... n tryin to discover some phenomena... so all i was tryin to say was...tha even sittin here at my workstation.. in Dell.. which i love to hate................. m gettin this feeling as if its gonna rain.. ............ bt y does RAIN have such effect on one's temprament.. you suddenly.......... here i heard it again. the thunder.. the natural grumble that fills ur heart with a lot of... excitement!! .. romance... emotions.. :) :( .. nostalgia :*).... and a HOPE... no actually a TEMPTATION... a temptation for (exclusively applicable on singletons ;) )...........yeah, so we were talkin about this temptation.. where you so wanna b with a person.. no.. 'the person'.. u feel for.. or may b.. u wanna feel for... or.. u desire.. or who gets u tempted.. given a chance you wud like to 'loose control' with.... ........... and....contd.

that morning at lake - post dell shift

so.. i cudnt stop myself from pickin up my phat-phat and vroomin towards sukhna.....It was pale.. But it was stiill beautifull... basic and intoxicatingly low colors.. givin a low enuf to follow it.. un-intentionally.. without realising... tha's very simple to happen.. very feasible.it was very silent... like.. there was pure mirth to come..no contrast.. but amazing enuf to atttract you soul.
.........so why do people u like.. like only the part they like.. and then.. they are there for jus that.. the moment u start being yourself.. start exploring the not-so-good part bout you.. which you anyways are nothin but glad to know.... they find you "rude".. "mean".. "not-so-entertaing" probabaly.... and they jus dont take it........so here i am.. with my spacepissed off.. and peaced out..nevermeind.. i got my space.. the fragile one which i keep loosin to any n everyone.........Its cold here..slightly pinchin..Jubin dont call again... Tha's how my perfect man has always been.. So who's omperfect.... its me and my writings.. that absolutely never gives no clues bout how m feelin right now... even words become hopeless sometimes..so who's me ? . .

saintly ... crap :(

m i meera g or what... :-/... hell with the kinda feelings i experince everyday.. :-/hmmm... wanna go saint.. off from everythin..wanna travel... discover more bout me... and my world more than me... is that a saintly feelin..??wanna get a clearer idea of my world.. wanna clean the mist on the glass.. wanna feel it and test its strength... have been in the fog.. been here.. only to find nothin.... but all those harsh ways of realisation.. that rather debauched me.... gave me a high-low... givin me that uncertain n un-decipherable waves... that'll lead me nowhere... but keep me bouncing against the glass.. time or reality...whatever....................................... catch the cab
..................................................................................tere bin...kaise jiya..

like usual.... another not-so-wise decision i made......
missed the convocation.well, i hardly care bout missing the honour of takin my
barely accoplished degree from princi.. ...... meetin shefu in the evening flooded me with
nostalgia... felt like... everythin's dead in my current
life.. [c i've started judging ;) p)].. whatever..................... ......so i also met madhvi mom in the afternoon.... wud i
b, able to b... as vibrant and entusiastic when i reach
the same age... wrong sentence... wud i b able to......
chuck it.... dunno what's gone into ke' now...... she has got into
solving life's mystery.. my poochie weird best friend....
mu love... uh!! i misss her so much man.. miss her the
most.... ramnish... weird kinda guy.. god knows what is he upto... khali pili dimaag ka dahi karta hai sala....
------------------ dunnno how i feel... ecstatically - frustrated!!!

convo-union..... 27/3/2008

like usual.... another not-so-wise decision i made...... missed the convocation.
well, i hardly care bout missing the honour of takin my barely accoplished degree from princi..
...... meetin shefu in the evening flooded me with nostalgia... felt like... everythin's dead in my current life.. [c i've started judging ;) p)].. whatever.....................
......so i also met madhvi mom in the afternoon.... wud i b, able to b... as vibrant and entusiastic when i reach the same age... wrong sentence... wud i b able to...... chuck it.
... dunno what's gone into ke' now...... she has got into solving life's mystery.. my poochie weird best friend.... mu love... uh!! i misss her so much man.. miss her the most.
... ramnish... weird kinda guy.. patani what's he upto.. khali pili dimaag ka dahi karta hai sala...

m quite sure he's here to screw my happiness... sooner or later...

...above that i get message from preet "got back with ramnish"... huh.. do i hate people.. or do i hate my like... anyways, same difference.

here i am... 21 now.. ha ha.. (yes.. jus read my own last post)
uh.. who cares.. if m 21 or 12.......
... jubin says that world is movin towords the
ultimate... and its growing complex and complex......
... he says (accordin to some book he read lately).. this funda says that if we're becomin complex.. we're with th flow.. and aproachin the ultimate...
....kya bakwaas hai!! meh is tryin to cut things simpler.. for its jus messy al the time generally....
............ what kinda theory it must be.. huh....

-- ok i know what guys want... i mean this what i cud figure out... recently!
THEY ALL JUS WANNA B PHISYCAL....
blame it on thier frustrations....
blame it on thier stupidity....
blame it on thier genes....
blame it on thier incapability to be romantic....
or blame it on the no. of blue films they watch....
....what a cheap way... huh....
lih,mmniohnk,vbubvmn jhc gfzayrsgcn
whateverrrrrrrrr.... i don care

pre "21 old"

hey ... me again .. still entangled within my mood swings....
............lately realised that i myself 'll never rate me as a good gal.. another tragdedy :d
i'll b turning 21 very soon.........................
**************

family highs !

hey... dd flew to UK today...

so.......... great thing!! i don miss her.. but, knowin that she little far.. as in ... i know not too far.. but, knowin that she's away is little... makin me uncomfortable... feelin little low.. m sure i'll b fine very soon. its stupid!!

m being exclusively rude to mum.... why is she over caring.. i don want it yaa..

m i too scared to face that stupid soft part of me... or m jus being filmy now.

m searchin for somethin... somethin in myself.. somethin that's unknown.. somethin that's lesser painful.. somethin's that's not unnecessarily complex.....but the truth. m so lost........ mum-dad are the best of all.... i mite not do justice to them.... its beyond my capability. but i know that m not askin for somethin that's not justified.... and why don v have better ways to prove that we do care for..... i love them for what they are.... for what they've been..................

sorry!! for givin you those baseless hurts.... take it! for you love me... take me- for my thots that are not justified.... take me -for i know that there's a best of me.... somewhere.... which i completely owe to you.

i love you.... for still bearing me the way i am.