"Lie with Me"

Watchin Porn can never b a solution. . Neither can b a 'smoke'. . No matter what brand- same or different. .
'Laila'- the canadian girl never knew what love is. . . Until her strongest sexual desire himself falls for her. This is a cultural difference. . As per another darn truth that i saw here. This is a reverse path of realisations n revealations of such complicated emotional phenomenas. Some people are sometimes able to connect everythin they experience. . And some people are jus contented with whatever they know n feel in bits n pieces.
Laila believes that men rule the world. How much would she have ever actually rejected the pain that her mere curiousity got her into. She was comfortable jus being a part of that orgasmic feeling. . . In the moment.
All i care to know right now is. . . . . Life could b so easily simplified by accepting smallest of pleasures that could come so handy all the time. Yet. . V reject. For v expect something better to come our way. Or sometimes, even more unfortunately. . V jus don want it anymore. That's not true with me. . I want it & I wont get it. Makes me miserable any which ways. . . .
'REJECT'- that shud b my answer to everything.
I wanna run away. . Jus far far away.
Away from everythin that hurts 'people'. .
Away from my 'unfair' failures. .
:(
i cant b alone on this path anymore. .
So i have to ESCAPE!

"Into the wild. . .

The best movie i watched after 'kung-fu panda'. . It was so . . Calmed me a bit.
'HAPPINESS DOES NOT HAVE TO B IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS . . . IT'S EVERYWHERE. . GOD HAS TAKEN CARE OF THAT BY PLACING ALL THESE THINGS AROUND US (THE BEAUTIFUL N WILD "NATURE").
. . . . Yet 'HAPPINESS IS ONLY NICE WHEN IT'S SHARED.
< . . . . . sigh . . . . >
i've always known the truth bout the later. . But . . Somehow. . Right now m in a position where i don wanna believe in that anymore. May b m jus too hurt. I cant imagine a higher level yet. . Hence m not hopin anythin. I cant see it happenin.
With piyush. . . . Not anymore.
:'(

Damn sleepy. . . :(

Yeah. . Must sleep now. And this is so not the time to write right now. But anyways. . Few things have been lingerin in my head n i have to get it out.
How come i find it easier to hate my mom. . Why cant i jus simply hate piyush. . Haan. . . . :(
i dunno. Feel so helpless. . (eeau! My t shirt still has holi-eggs smell. . Holi- the festival of colors)
Phh. . Anyways. So. . I feel so helpless. Cause strangely i still feel that i can make his life a lot more beautiful. . But apparently. . Its jus another opinion. There's unfortunately. . No scale that could measure the depth of my feeling. No way i could justify to anybody. Not even piyush now. . :(
may b. . M jus not yet a good enough lover that somebody would accept my love. May b. . M gonna end up becomin a pretentious princess of some bloody hypocrite guy that my mama-maami will choose for me. Think of the distress this will potentially bring. People, who're surely the farthest from my understanding will royally decide my future. . That'll b, m pretty sure, as screwed as it'll b. Huh. . . :'(
i could still run n hide somewhere. . But i don wanna go that way. I wanna b in love exactly the way i was. Pretty darn exactly. . Dot exactly how i was. :( :( Phh. . :( :( :(
i clearly know how this wud work out. . Clearer than anythin else i know on earth. But. . . . . . . It wont jus happen to me :'( . . . . .
I've no way to go now. . Cant believe m sayin this today. But. . For the second time. . . This will b my chosen limit. If i go beyond it. . I'll hinder his worthiness. And i'd never do that.
Hmm. .

Song courtesy: tujhme rab dikhta hai. .

. . Bye