Re-Burn..

i thought i lost it... i thought i came a long way leaving it behind....
but it is'nt that far behind.. it all still exists..
somewhere in the dark.. in that unfortunate loneliness..
and there's never a time i could overpower it.. it always rushes back.. only to make me fall back on my knees... and weaken me to the last drop of blood in my body... melts me down.
i don even know weather its good or bad.. i dunno if m read to deal with it again...
i dunno if i have the energy n power yet to get it right this time..
one single moment is enough to prove how much it still matters.. and all the memories of failure come bank n cling to my mind n soul.... :(
.................. if it still cud be legal for me to be a baby.. jus at times... it is difficult to be single
and i wont say it if i had to think straight. my 'straight' is not so right...
why i still firmly believe n want to think like a baby. its true afterall.
a reason for me.....>

they say that my zodiac is supposed to be good in intuitions...
so what i had followed for so long wast intuition.... experimentation-was it? Bad Decisions.. that's what it was.
i dunno how to conclude this post.. may be i never want to conclude any of this.
... typically I've also found a comfort in the pain.
L.o.L

Jyotsana..

toshi called today.. she lost a very good fren of hers'. it was a suicide. a brutal decision that she took for herself amidst a hopeless boy fren n unspportive parents.
as i finally spoke to her after such long time, i was also concluding in my head how past few years have been pointlessly wrong. made blunderous decisions back to back. its been some time that i've realised this and yet m not able to make anything better.
my thought process itself is not simplified, why wud the life be?
and i wanna believe that having toshi with me wud've made things better.

the 7th day im mumbai....

and it feels so lonely.... not a single soul i could see.. without a reason :(
..... having met most of my old frens.. still have this complex.. wonder n try to judge myself at every single moment.. still. this is immensly S.A.D.
although, the big picture bout this whole pre-mature mumbai stint does luk good... may be i've jus gone numb. i reach a new level of numbness everytime. and this time it is phenomenal. last nite cudnt have been better.. but i dunno what was lackin. it was the perfect definition of a memorable night.
i plan to be able to stay alone.. n still be blissful. difficult!.. too much of distraction on the plate.